


Honesty

by handlewithkara



Series: Choices [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 22:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20553554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handlewithkara/pseuds/handlewithkara
Summary: What's more important? Love? Duty? Honesty? Mon-El isn't so sure anymore.





	Honesty

**Author's Note:**

> I was digging through some of my files and I came across this. This was a companion piece to "Happy", so I decided to post it, even though it's just a tiny snippet. 
> 
> As usual, English is not my first language and I don't have a beta reader.

If he was capable of hating her, he‘d probably hate her for this. For the way she effortlessly turns his world upside down again and again. When he first met Kara, he hated his life, but he thought he understood it. Mon-El of Daxam thought he understood the world. That it had certain rules and limits you couldn‘t escape.

Kara smashed through his preconceptions of what people could be, just by being. He hated it, fought it and then … he surrendered. Kara gave him so much and he gave her everything he had.

He let her change his life.

Getting used to living without Kara in the future was a hell worse than he had ever imagined. But he came to cope. After all, it seemed like a fitting punishment for a life like his. To get to taste happiness and then learn to live without it. To be shown the light and then be forced to apply it. So he built up his life from scratch, always in her memory, in the spirit of her ideals. Telling himself that that kept him close to her. That it was what she would have wanted, what would make her happy.

Mon-El from the Legion of Superheroes. A title tight like a corset around his chest, but at least one he had chosen himself this time. Edging out an existence. Making the world a better place, an open ear for everyone, always willing to give his all. The way she would have done, he imagined, when he woke up from nightmares of her tear-streaked face.

But he was honoring her. In a world without her, that was all he could hope for, right?

And then everything changed.

Again.

At first, he refused to accept it. He couldn‘t. It couldn‘t be real. He had closed up any dream of seeing her again away in his heart. It would have been too had to bear. It had to be a mistake. He wasn‘t supposed to be here. He couldn‘t be here.

Little, by little, he had to accept that this would last longer than he was prepared to handle. Except, he was older now. Better, more experienced.

Mon-El from the Legion of Superheroes thought he understood how the world worked, what the right choice, the moral choice would be. Stay on mission. Stay true to your word. Try to ease the pain of those affected. Don‘t cross any lines. That had to work. Right? Right? That‘s all that one could do, in a situation like theirs.

Kara was strong. Kara was moral. She would want him to be like this. She would come around and, looking back on it, she would agree that it was the right thing to do.

Kara was strong. Kara did come around. Generous, open, like he always knew her to be.

Except… the pain didn‘t stop. He had told himself that it was her pain. His empathy for that pain. Nobody could blame her for being hurt after such a short period of time.

  
She hurts less now. But instead of that giving him relief, relief that she is better now, that he is no longer causing her to hurt, the pain claws through him, like icy arms reaching him, throttling him.

It scares him. It scares him shitless. It scares him, because it makes him wonder if he got it all wrong. If deep down he never stopped being that selfish young prince who wanted what he wanted, no thought to what it would do to others. Was it all a lie? The Legion, his friends, the people he saved, the lives he changed, that had to be real, right?

And yet, he looks at her and all of it seems meaningless.

Can you truly be a good person while living a lie, while lying to yourself? To want to take somebody in your arms and hold them, how can that ever be wrong? Doesn‘t she deserve to be held, more than anybody else in the world?

He doesn‘t want to hurt Kara, doesn‘t want to make her life worse, just as things are getting better?

But how can he find an answer to his questions, without first being honest to himself?


End file.
